701
Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be
The complete collection
Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be
Come back, before I am grown into a very old man, so as you shall hardly know me.
Formerly, I thought that death was wearing out,--I stood ramparted about with so many healthy friends.
My heart is as dry as that spring sometimes proves in a thirsty August, when I revert to the space that is between us; a length of passage enough to render obsolete the phrases of our English letters before they can reach you.
Whatsoever thwarts, or puts me out of my way, brings death into my mind.
Competence to age is supplementary youth; a sorry supplement indeed, but I fear the best that is to be had.
Expect no healthy conclusions from me this month, reader; I can offer you only sick men's dreams.
How sickness enlarges the dimensions of a man's self to himself! he is his own exclusive object.
Besides my daylight servitude, I served over again all night in my sleep, and would awake with terrors of imaginary false entries, errors in my accounts, and the like.
From a poor man, poor in Time, I was suddenly lifted up into a vast revenue; I could see no end of my possessions; I wanted some steward, or judicious bailiff, to manage my estates in Time for me.
Independently of the rigours of attendance, I have ever been haunted with a sense (perhaps a mere caprice) of incapacity for business.
It is Lucretian pleasure to behold the poor drudges, whom I have left behind in the world, carking and caring; like horses in a mill, drudging on in the same eternal round--and what is it all for?
The partners, and the clerks, with whom I had for so many years, and for so many hours in each day of the year, been closely associated--being suddenly removed from them--they seemed as dead to me.
The phantom of the next day, with the dreary five to follow, sate as a load upon my poor Sabbath recreations.
You think I have no feelings, and that I can do without one bit of love or kindness; but I cannot live so: and you have no pity.
A phase of my life was closing to-night, a new one opening to-morrow: impossible to slumber in the interval; I must watch feverishly while the change was being accomplished.
My world had for some years been in Lowood: my experience had been of its rules and systems; now I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had courage to go forth into its expanse, to seek real knowledge of life amidst its perils.
It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquillity: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.
Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts, as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags.
Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!—I have as much soul as you,—and full as much heart!
I will be myself. Mr. Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me—for you will not get it, any more than I shall get it of you: which I do not at all anticipate.
I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.
Nature seemed to me benign and good; I thought she loved me, outcast as I was; and I, who from man could anticipate only mistrust, rejection, insult, clung to her with filial fondness.
But let me not hate and despise myself too much for these feelings; I know them to be wrong—that is a great step gained; I shall strive to overcome them.
I feel I have adequate cause to be happy, and I will be happy.
© 2026 Just Brands, LLC